Day 4. Day 40? It feels like the longest week....and it's not even over yet.
Every day this week has been different. There has been little to no consistency, minimal communication and few directions given to us redeployed staff. I am starting to feel more confident but I can feel my stress levels increasing at the same time.
So last post I talked about kind of the mechanics of how we are being shifted, some of the feelings I was having and the overall experience we were having in the first few days...
Today, I want to talk about how I am feeling and handling this entire situation on a personal level.
I have been feeling very uncertain about the change. I feel belittled and quieted; none of my concerns are being heard. Do you remember the saying "Children should be seen and not heard"? Well, that is how I am feeling lately. Being a younger individual (24yrs old), and being in my position for just over a year, I am not known by the in-home (LTC) staff, I have little seniority, and I am an unfamiliar face. Over the last few days, I have felt pushed aside and continuously looked down on. I don't know if this is because of my age, or the fact that these people don't know me or my skills/knowledge... but it royally SUCKS.
It's sh*tty to feel like that. It's only day 4 and I have already had an emotional breakdown. But you know what....THATS OKAY! I have to keep telling myself that it's okay to feel these emotions. Because if I don't feel theses emotions, I will burn out a lot faster and harder.
I have a strong feeling that these responses will fade when LTC staff have a chance to see what I am made of and how I run my programs etc. But in the meantime, it feels so discouraging to ask/look for support and be given little in return. When I reach out for information and support and am returned with "Well you are a Rec, it's the same anywhere, you SHOULD be able to figure it out." kind of stings. Yeah, I am a Rec, and I am a GREAT Rec (at least in my opinion, and the opinion of my clients and coworkers in ADP), but I would never tell a Pediatrician that "You're a doctor, you SHOULD be able to figure it out" while throwing him/her into a busy ER or on a maternity ward. Like, yeah, I can hold my own in a multitude of situations, however, this is a very unique situation where we have been given 8000 different instructions. (okay, maybe like...4-6 contradictions, but it feels like 8000!!!).
When I ask for support, I don't mean I need you to hold my hand and take 'baby steps' with me, I mean I want information and key points like "Don't go see Mr. So-And-So because he is aggressive to women" or "Mrs. Blah-Blah is violent when she is woken up and will throw items"
So, I cried. BIG DEAL. It happens. We have to cry, or pout, or vent or whatever it is that we have to do to release the pent up emotions. This is not an easy situation for anybody. I am only able to express how I feel, and that's it. I don't know how everyone else is feeling or dealing with all of these changes. But I think we need to help support each other in every way we can.
I am just doing my thing at this point. I am helping with 1-1 meaningful activities (Manicures, reading letters, playing cards, working on puzzles etc.), I just want to help brighten a resident's day in any way I can.
If you are feeling burnout or any overwhelming responses to all of these changes, PLEASE reach out. Comment, or message directly. Someone is always available to help!!
WE ARE NOT ALONE.
“Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” - J.K. Rowling (Albus Dumbledore)
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